My Notes

CD COVER IN THE FUTURE

turquoise
aqua blues
petri dish
my notes swirl
they rise
they reach
your ears
they floated
out my dish
that is my mind
now we sing

cd cover
of the future
one day
all will see
they will hear
everything
I wrote and sang
what I played
on what day
they will be
so stoked
just like me

my notes
my everything
are floating
out of me
in a flood
a rant and rave
some meds
red wine
little food
I’d rather play
and sing to him
he heard my voice
it was not
warmed up
he did not care
I made him laugh
so did my bird

cd cover
of the future
one day
all will see
they will hear
everything
I wrote and sang
what I played
on what day
they will be
so stoked
just like him
like all of us

my notes and words
so blue so sad
so direct
and he devours
all of me
when he reads
all my words
on any given day
he plead
please don’t stop
writing
he felt fear
he would lose
all of me
he never will
no matter what
I’ve heard his
records & songs
he whispers too
sometimes in
German
I lose my all

cd cover
of the future
of us
one day
he’ll see
they’ll hear
both of us
what we wrote
and sang
what we played
on what day
they will be
so fucking stoked
like the
both of us
we will be
airplay
he will see
one day

cd cover
of our future
is on the way
electronically
my notes
his love
our words
our everything
one day will stream
worldwide
he’ll hear
and sing

my gift to him
my cd cover
one of many

Kissing Fish

KISSING FISH OTHERWORLDLY

No food
nothing left
mechanical fish
can’t reproduce
no use
mechanical fish
now exist
we all know
they do
glass bottom boat
looking glass

Why do they kiss
what’s the purpose
of this?
Why do they meet
why bother?
It’s just a kiss
under neon lights
it’s just two fish
kissing mechanically
no one will see
or will they

No light
too dark
kissing mechanical
fish don’t exist
so you said
you were wrong
they exist
whether you
see them or not
they are here now
AI made them
for all of us
they don’t need food
they don’t need light
they only need
to blink on and off
and kiss

Why do they kiss
what is the purpose
of this?
why do they meet
why bother?
It’s just a kiss
under neon lights
it’s just two fish
kissing mechanically
no one will see
unless they deep dive

Even the scallops
are now mechanical
oceans polluted
we killed everything
Thank you AI
for making us
replacement fish
we like them to kiss
we don’t know why
we only know
we must watch them
whenever we can
these fish are kissing
dark humor from our
artificial intelligence
quite possibly evident
mechanical or not
these fish are
kissing each other

Not A Rave

NotARave2

two floors
the balcony DJ
pitch black
hot white
strobing lights
pulsing projection
the entire scene
live this is us

the bass
drops
the tempo
increases
the guitar
the keyboard
kick in
simultaneously

skin glistens
voices moan
people dose
volume increase
reverberations
in our chests
lie down now
on the floor

the bass
drops
the tempo
increases
the guitar
the keyboard
kick in
simultaneously

clothing flies
in the air
tee shirts
pants and skirts
now underwear
fever pitch
electric air
hands fingers legs

the bass
drops
the tempo
increases
the guitar
the keyboard
kick in
simultaneously

DJ fist pump
he strips down
steps out
and begins
to get off
watching
his scene
intensify and unfold

the bass
drops
the tempo
increases
the guitar
the keyboard
kick in
simultaneously

on cue now
the entire room
we squirm we writhe
to his beat
entangled entwined
we begin we
cum for him
when he does

throbbing pulsing
gyrating sensations
simultaneous
I smell cum

I Shatter

I Shatter

I’m broken
inside
I’m weakened
by time
and his
constant
lies

my condition
adds to that
empathy
apathy
sympathetic
overlay
pain on pain

abuse of
any type
is wrong
I feel pain
like
no one
else

my condition
adds to that
empathy
apathy
sympathetic
overlay
pain on pain

I shatter
every day
I glue myself
back together
just like
you do I’m not
so different

abuse of
any type
is wrong
I feel love
like
no one
else

this condition
wouldn’t change it
for the world
I love me
this is
who I am
deal with it

abuse of
any type
is wrong
I feel
too much
like no one
else

don’t like?
block me
follow me
be with me
every day
you blindly
help

abuse of
any type
is wrong
I hate
too much
like no one
else

all I feel
every day
too intense
for you?
stand back
we’re not done
we’ll never be

My Friends

My Friends

High & Jr. school
still abused
home life
a toilet bowl
take any drug
leave
Gymnastics USA
all else behind
father dead

Kicked out
mother quit
hateful thing
always was
sickened me
all my things
in paper bags
on my lawn
after school

Some knew
I hid it
well
Mr. Cotton
Mr. Gunn
they watched me
come undone
I love
them still

Kicked out
mother failed
at motherhood
I fled
to my friends
all my things
in paper bags
on my lawn
after school

So very wrong
couldn’t cook
minor still
full-time work
school at night
apartment mine
lost touch
with all
my friends

Some helped
I will
not forget
what they did
for me
during that time
of homelessness
barren inside
I was and am

I owe the
school
one picolo
sorry still

 

Series Relapse

Here it is
read the
fine print
this has
now become
a series
of sorts
you’d never
want

And in
good conscience
I must
award him
with this
because
he wants
to be
friends again

Yes it
didn’t take
long
as you know
but I
must live with
this
mustn’t I?

And in
good conscience
I must
award him
with this
because
he wants
to be
friends again?

I’ve stopped
waiting
Hope died
last weekend
and yesterday
I must
write
about this death

And in
good conscience
I must
award him
with this
because
divorce is
still on
the horizon

I must
get his
poisonous
lies and abuse
out of
my mind
today and
put all in ink

So in
good conscience
I must renege
on awards
because
this Series
Relapse is
the most
painful of all

This pain
is so deep
in my heart
and mind
I am singed
baked and
burned
friends?
series relapse complete

Yoshi

YOSHI

When I was
five
I heard
War arguments
fists pounding
tables
silverware toppling
chairs falling
over
North Korea

Our cat
named after
a pleasure
woman
my father’s
and uncle’s
She was Yoshi
from South Korea

Full circle
now
in the
South Pacific
I am
terrified for
all
who reside
there and here
time ceases

Our Siamese cat
named after
a pleasure
woman
my father’s
and uncle’s
her name
was Yoshi

The Donald
has done
nothing
in 100
but lead
humanity
to the
brink
of mass
destruction

Our Siamese
cat
named after
a woman
my father’s
and uncle’s
I know for
the rapist
this uncle
told me so

Her name
was Yoshi
from South
Korea
but so was
my cat
from my
abusive childhood

After this
that uncle
adopted my
Korean Cousin
only one
of his
victims
he murdered
her soul
and her mind

Her name
is Jamie
from South
Korea
we both
had such
abusive
childhoods

Her mother
left a bite
mark
on the back
of her neck
possibly in
protest or worse
she hoped
to find her
one day

she hasn’t
it’s too late

Didn’t Take Long

I didn’t have to wait very long for him to drink again. He knows he is killing me. I need a few days and appreciate all the follows and likes. xoxo

Off Course

Off Course

Too many
questions
I did post
a warning
there was
discussion
maybe you
shouldn’t
read some
of this

He knocks me
off course
with his
jealousy
he takes
me afoul
batter out
and so
it begins

“Did you
write about
me
who is this
about
what is that
about
why are you
doing this
to me?”

He knocks me
off course
with his
jealousy
he takes
me afoul
batter out
and there
is more

“Why must it
always
be about you
there were
others and
they will
ask too
is this about
me us or them?”
I go mute

You’ve knocked me
off course
with your
jealousy
You’ve taken
me afoul
batter out
and there’s
much more
to write down

I’ve lost
direction now
several times
today I’m on
the right track
jealousy or not
I’m on a
one way street
when I write
all of me

I’ve knocked him
off course
with my words
I’ve taken
him afoul
batter out
and there’s
nothing
he can do
about this

I follow the arrow
keep moving forward
leave me alone
while I write
don’t knock me
off course
again please
he screams
“But You Are
My Wife!”

words ring in my ears
“stay the course”

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